Genesis 2: 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Many years ago, I found myself lonely and desiring a husband. I also found myself feeling as though my relationship with the Lord must be lacking because He obviously wasn’t enough to satisfy me.
Psalm 23 told me that “I shall not want”. But I was wanting- wanting so deeply. I begged the Lord to cause me to be a better Christ follower. I felt as though if I were only right with Him, I wouldn’t have these intense desires for something beyond HIm.
Today, my understanding is quite different- of God and of myself.
As I searched, out of my guilt, for freedom from these desires, my precious Lord revealed this: There is no one that has ever lived (apart from Jesus, of course) that was closer to God than Adam. Adam walked and talked with God in the Garden of Eden. Yet, look what God said. It wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t enough for Adam to be alone because Adam was wired to desire a help mate. Aha! It wasn’t that I was supposed to be closer to the Lord. It was that BECAUSE I was close to HIm and seeking HIm that I had this desire.
To passionately desire something, and in this case a spouse, doesn’t mean that your relationship with the Lord is in any way lacking. It could be that as you have delighted yourself in the Lord and He has given you the desires He wants you to have and placed them in your heart. (See above.) Now He is leading you through to the goal so that you may know HIm more through the process.
All in all, God is a God of so much more grace than we tend to attribute to Him. He is not confused, not panicked. He is full of compassion. He is patient and watches over our spiritual growth as we would watch over the growth of our own children. We are not frustrated with our newborn for not being able to walk. We are not upset with our two year old for not being able to read. We are not angry with our 7th grader for not understanding quantum physics. You get the point. Be kind.
The more we seek God, the more we grow in Him. The more we grow, the more we realize how much more there is to learn. And it’s ok. Wherever we are in that process, it’s really ok, as long as we continue to seek His face.
Takeaway: If we have intense desires, it doesn’t necessarily mean that those desires are not from God or that we are immature in our faith. And as we judge ourselves on these issues and others, it’s critical to see ourselves through His eyes and experience His grace towards us in our immature state and know that He’s not condemning us.
Prayer: Dear Lord, thank you so much for loving me just as I am, wherever I am. Please allow me to see myself through your eyes and to extend to myself Your grace. Help me to be kind to myself that I may be kind to others. Thank you for being the best Father this child could possibly have.