Walking the Line

Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live.

Ever known anyone that was an edge walker?   You know what I mean- the people who always want to push the envelope.   They want to live right on the edge of what is right and what is wrong.  They tend to be somewhat impulsive and in some ways unsettled internally.   They test limits and sometimes hold on by the skin of their teeth.  They so desperately want to be good but are so drawn, almost like a magnet,  to what they know is wrong.   Some act out of this struggle and some just battle in their minds.   They have a massive internal struggle between doing what is right and doing what is wrong.  There’s not a solid resolve in them to do what is right and safe and to leave the rest alone.  They want to juuust take one tiny step into the rocky waters because they simply have a compulsion to do so.

Another trait  of these folks can be acting in a dare devil manner.  They might do things that others would be frightened to do but they seem to have less fear.   They are scary as children if you are the parent.   You pray a LOT over them.   You just never know what they will do next.   But, in all of it, you can see a true desire for goodness.  They really want to be good but they struggle with being good.

There are those who completely know to play it safe, with no desire to go anywhere near a dangerous flame.  These people live a much less dramatic life.   And less dramatic sounds good to them. It doesn’t mean they don’t have a spirit of adventure.  It means they are adventurous but desire safety as they explore the unknown so they are cautious but accomplished as well.  They have no desire to get near evil or death.  It is not tempting in the least.   But for the edge walker, less dramatic and with balanced caution sounds boring.  There may even be a death wish involved- really needing to do things that put themselves in harms way.  Also, they can fight against what is normal and live in what’s different, a life on the edge instead of the mainstream.

Can you name one in your life yet?  Did I paint that picture well enough that you can say-  yes, I know someone just like that!  Or maybe you are saying-  oh man, that’s me!     (I can easily say that, I’m afraid. But God has healed me.  Hallelujah.)

Well, let me tell you my theory and experience with this.   It’s a theory I have tested for quite a few years which is why I’m willing to talk about it.   And believe me, I’m not saying this is cut and dried or an absolute.  I’m not.  It’s a theory I have based on experiences I’ve had with others.  I’m no scientist and don’t claim to be.   I just observe.  So throw it away if you choose and contemplate it if you’d like.

From what I’ve seen,  when someone has this particular personality trait, it goes back to pre-birth.  More often than not, the precious mom of this child, while pregnant, was living in fear of losing her baby.   Very often, there was a prior miscarriage involved.  It can also be just an inordinate fear without cause.  But what this causes is an internal war over life or death, within the spirit of the mom.   “Is my baby going to live or will I lose it?”  Or it can be a mom who is truly struggling with whether or not she wants the pregnancy.     That worry-  the debate between life and death- transfers to the baby’s spirit  while in utero and manifests in their personality.

LIfe and death equal God and satan.    LIfe and death equal good and evil.  It all translates in the same manner and upon translation leads to a person who is forever battling and debating inside of their own spirit.   See it?   If you will allow this to soak in, I believe you will begin to see the picture.  And make no mistake.  To be able to firmly and completely choose life, without debate, is not boring in the least.   It’s freedom.

Here’s the thing.    It matters what we think and how we feel, what we ingest and what we don’t, especially when we are pregnant.  So young women, surrender your fears to the Lord so that they won’t burden your children.  And if you have a child with these traits, confess any lack of faith you may have had and receive forgiveness from the Lord.  Forgive yourself.  It’s ok.  God can use it ALL for good!   Begin to  pray for their spirit to be healed of the fear, healed of the debate, healed of being enticed by death of any sort.  Rebuke anything in them that does not agree with God for their safety and believe God for His healing in their lives.   Pray as the Lord leads and do not worry.    Do not feel shame.  You are free!    God isn’t surprised that this happened, my friend.  He’s known since before you were born and He’s most certainly big enough to handle this.

If you are the person about whom I speak, the one who struggles with these debates,  just being aware of why you are the way you are should be of some relief to you. Forgive whomever you need to forgive, choose life and pray over yourself.   Pray for the Lord to heal all wounded parts of your spirit  (not big S, little s as in not God’s Spirit but your spirit), pray for HIm to create a new spirit within you if that’s what you need.  (Psalm 51).  And pray that the Lord gives you a desire for safety and a love of safety, to whatever degree He so chooses.   He loves you so.

Takeaway:   Our fears and worries can impact much more than we typically think they can.   Fear (as in terror, not reverence)  is the absence of faith and therefore opposes God.   Worry means we don’t trust God.   They are rebukes of God and therefore can open the door for the enemy to gain ground.    Confess fear and worry and receive healing and freedom.    If you are an edge walker, be healed in Jesus’ name.  If you’ve given birth to an edge walker, pray for their healing and their protection.   If you are pregnant, trust your child’s future to the Lord and be free of fear about that, too.  If you’ve had a miscarriage, find peace that God is still God.  Give your child a name and know that he or she is loved.  God will tell you if it was a girl or boy if you ask HIm.   Peace to you.

Prayer:  Dear Lord,  I don’t want to walk the edge between good and evil.  I want to be on solid ground at all times.  Please heal in me anything that needs healing that I may walk in the freedom to not have to test the other side in order to feel alive.  And Lord, heal those I know and love who are edge walkers and set them free from this bondage as well.    I want to walk in the light, I want to walk in Your safety.  I want to feel more alive in that place than in the place of danger.    Thank you, Jesus.  

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